Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
