So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's the barista slut.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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