he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
