How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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