i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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