holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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