I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
