The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize