I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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