i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Acid is not a monday night drug
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
