Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
