four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
