i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i just google imaged poop.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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