I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
