Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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