I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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