You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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