I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
