I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
