My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
