So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
