please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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