well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
