So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
