upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
