He kissed a someone with a penis
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
