he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
me + whiskey = a bad person
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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