operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
