I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
