You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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