If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
