When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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