I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
