FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
