I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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