Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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