yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
