Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
