we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
