At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
