woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize