Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He passed out mid-signature
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
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