Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
