My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
