I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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