I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
