Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just blew my weed a kiss
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
