Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
