help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
