Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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