just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
