I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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