Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
