dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
