Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
