is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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