Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
