She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
