Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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