Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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