The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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