can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
