remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so let's talk penis.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
