Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
