Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
