to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
